This past week has been one of the toughest in my life. I’ve worked at least 40 hours overtime, researching, studying, buying supplies, organizing, writing, reading, learning, decorating, laminating, printing. I have met twenty one new faces, all in third grade. I’ve expended every last drop of energy in pouring out my heart to them. My patience has been tested. I’ve responded to cursing, name calling, excessive no’s and defiant attitudes. I’ve cried, felt extremely stressed, and wondered why I am in this place.
Through this whole ordeal, I’m blessed with silver linings of hope. I’m building a good relationship with my student with severe ADHD. My classroom decorations are cute. One of the second grade teachers has become my friend. I live in a beautiful jungle mountainside, and the beach is nearby.
I feel overwhelmed at the task ahead. Managing 5 CHALLENGING characters in class, and helping all 23 of us (including my TA) grow and learn. I haven’t even started planning my lessons. I haven’t had time. Its Friday and I just came home and died. I want to continue working because there is so much to do, but I need this break. I need this rest.
I never imagined it being like this. I don’t feel prepared. I don’t feel equipped to handle all this. Seems like such a short time ago I knew so certainly the path I was on. I never thought it would lead me to this mental, physical and spiritual exhaustion.
It’s in these moments, all I can do is talk to the one who gives me the love, patience, and wisdom I need to go forward. All I can do is lean into Him who IS ABLE. To trust, and through His Spirit BELIEVE that my prayers will be heard. Not because I am anything special, but because the LOVE of Jehovah is greater than anything I could ever give of myself. The PEACE of Yah is enough to calm my soul. The BREATH that I am given each moment, is His LIFE breathed into me.
Lord, continue to put your life into me.