Life Loving Jesus

Its painful to write today.

I miss you.

I feel a dull throbbing in my chest. I miss you.

I think of you often, every moment I suppose. I miss you.

I just wish I could know you were there.

Sometimes I see you in other people. Little bits of you here and there. They make me want to see you. They make me want to spend time with you. Oh I wish I had spent more time with you. Im so thankful for the moments I saw who you really were. I needed those moments. There were only a few of them, and that just breaks me. Over and over again I wish I had done more. I could have done more.

How can I be real anymore? When a part of me is gone forever. How in the world will my story end? Im not so sure anymore. Im not so sure of anything anymore. I dont understand so many things. And I feel like I should. I feel like I got stuck in May. Time stands still forever.

I hear it again and again, playing on repeat in my head.

How is this even real?