Life Loving Jesus

Ive never felt more alone in my life.

Sitting here on my bed, a million things running through my head.

Theres a small gathering outside outside my room, my roommate has a few friends over. Everything is spinning around me.

Its like time stands still for me, here and now. While everyone keeps moving forward with their lives. Their own agendas, their own normality.

Im stuck. I cant move. I cant swallow. I cant breathe.

I cant think of one person Id like to call, or text. I have no idea who to turn to.

It seems like everyone has an equal, someone whom they trust with their everything, and I am left with no one. My parents have each other, my cousins have significant others, and my friends have lovers.

I feel so utterly alone. I have no brother, no lover, no one but myself to wallow in despair. Im more broken than I ever imagined possible, and more alone than in my worst nightmares. I dont know how to fix it, I have none of the answers.

THIS is what loneliness feels like. This is what loneliness IS.

I never thought it would come to this, never imagined this could happen to me. And yet here I am, an empty soul, confused, afflicted and desperate. I need answers, I need something more than this.

Its so easy for you to say everything will be ok. Thats because youre not here to see the pain dripping from my eyelashes. Its easy for you to tell me to pray, because you dont feel the blackest of clouds hovering over my head night and day. Its easy for you to say Im not alone, but youre not the one coming home to an empty room, no one to talk to, no one to cry with. Dont tell me time heals everything because it has only gotten worse.